


All I Want For Christmas is a Mom

by Idiot_the_Jerk



Series: Holiday Crack Fics [8]
Category: Super Mario & Related Fandoms
Genre: Anyways, Big oof with this one, Crack, I fucking caved and bought a Switch, I love it so much, Santa Mario, and Mario Odyssey, because of that outfit in Odyssey, he has like 8 kids and no wife, i feel so bad for Bowser, kind of, no wonder he wants Princess Peach all the time, the past two have been big oofs rather than crack lol, who IS Bowser Jr's mom?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-14 10:24:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16911198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idiot_the_Jerk/pseuds/Idiot_the_Jerk
Summary: Bowser Jr really hits Santa hard with this request. Lol I hate myself so much.





	All I Want For Christmas is a Mom

I would say it's a cold snowy Christmas Eve in the Koopa kingdom (or whatever) but let's be honest. It's a gigantic castle surrounded by lava. In what world would there ever be snow?

I know what you're thinking. What world goes from grasslands, to an ocean, to a desert to a snowy wasteland in the span of a few hours? California. That's where. However he are in the Mushroom Kingdom, and it's surrounding other less important Kingdoms...looking at you Sarasaland, not Calidornia.

In Bowser's castle, out of his bed despite it being far past his bedtime was Bowser Jr. Clearly Bowser's favourite child because he was named after the koopa himself. Now you may be wondering, why exactly is this ambiguously aged koopa out of his bed at this hour? Is he planning an attack on Mario? No. He's a small child. He probably just does whatever Bowser tells him to do.

Bowser Jr was waiting for Santa.

Given the kind of things his family does every other Thursday you'd except Santa to not deliver presents to this turtle/dragon child. And you'd be right. Santa only delivers presents to good little children. Doesn't matter if they're raised in a family of evil fire breathing turtle/dragons if you ever so much as look in the direction of the bad bin you're going to be thrown right in there and Santa will never deliver presents to you ever again.

Which was probably why Mario was convinced by nearly everyone he knew to dress up as Santa. Just...why?

Mario knew the situation with Bowser and co. was...weird to say the least. I mean, they invite him to sporting events, go kart racing and parties. You wouldn't do that if you really thought he was a threat, right? Mario could just hear Luigi playing the X-Files music in the background. Conspiracy theorists were cracking out their laptops and Microsoft word documents ready to state their cases on why they believe the Mario games are staged.

But that was an issue for another day.

"Do I really have to do this?" Mario begrudgingly asked.

"Yup. Yup. You sure do. We'll be right behind you. All they way." Yoshi replied. The green dinosaur, Green Mario the Princess and some Toads all stood a good ten feel away from Mario, just to emphasize this point.

"I believe in you, bro." Linguine said, slowly inching his way towards a warpipe back to the Mushroom Kingdom.

"Wow. Thanks." Mario sarcastically deadpanned, before throwing himself headfirst down the chimney.

"He;s gone. Let's run!" Toad screeched. With that Yoshi, the princess, the Toads and Lusqueegee all bailed on Mario, returning to the Mushroom Kingdom for the DANKEST of all Christmas parties.

-

Mario's face slammed into the cold ashes of the chimney. He still had 99 lives. That was unfortunate.

Shaking his head he pushed up off the ground, to find himself face to face with the Koopa child himself.

Bowser Jr jumped up and down from excitement. He finally was meeting the real Santa Claus. He always thought Santa was older, and looked less like that bad Mario man but that's water under the bridge. IT WAS SANTA!

"It's-a me. Mari- Santa Claus. Wahoo.  ~~Wait fuck that's not what Santa says~~." Mario cheered, rather unenthusiastically. Bowser Jr didn't seemed to notice. At all.

"I knew Santa Claus was real! Take that Ludwig!" he whispered, pumping his tiny fists in the air. He looked up at Santa, who looked like he was about to fall over from boredom...or exhaustion. Possibly both.

"What do you want for Christmas? Santa deadpanned, dropping his toy sack onto the floor. Something inside screamed bloody murder. It was probably all the Smash Bros fans when they realized a Piranha Plant was going to be a playable character rather than Waluigi. Maybe next time, boys.

What was Bowser Jr going to ask for? An endless supply of Bob-ombs and Bullet Bills? Princess Peach's capture? Waluigi in Smash? Fine out next time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jokes.

"I want to meet my mama for Christmas!!" Bowser Jr shouted.

Mario literally froze at that moment. Even though the Koopa family was like his arch-nemeses how do you respond to that nicely? It's not he even knew the answer to where she was. The plumber dressed as Santa started sweating, though that could be because he was wearing a parka in a lava castle.

"I-Isn't there something easier that you want?" he asked.

"I WANT MY MAMA!" Bowser Jr repeated, stomping his little feet around in the beginnings of a temper tantrum.

Mario pointed towards the door. "Ok. Ok. Well I need to....go find her. Just wait here for a moment." he ran out the door.

It didn't take long before Mario (quite literally) ran into the person he was looking for.

"What are you doing here, plumber?" Bowser asked. More than anything he sounded tired. I mean, who wouldn't be when you're a single dad of eight crazy children on Christmas eve. Job's tiring as shit.

"I need you to pretend to be a woman!" Mario demanded, forgetting context is always the most important thing in a conversation.

"Who do you think I am? Your brother? Why do you want me to do that?" Bowser asked.

"Because mini me's asking for his mom for Christmas and you know. That's kind of impossible...I think?" Mario replied. "Please. Please promise me Peach isn't actually his mom."

"I wish." Bowser whispered, tears flowing down his face.

They both stood in awkward silence for a looooooong minute. Just...why?

"So about pretending to be his mom..." Mario said.

"I knew I'd have to do this sooner or later, may as well rip the band-aid off now." Bowser replied, following Mario back into the room Bowser Jr was in.

Boswer Jr's eyes lit up when he saw Mario again. He ran towards the fake Santa, nailing him in the thighs. "Santa!!!" he yelled. "What's papa doing here? I thought you were bringing mama." 

Bowser got onto one knee, placing a hand of his son's shoulder. "That's not Santa." he said, swatting the Santa hat off Mario's head with the other hand.

"Where did Santa go? Who's that man?" Bowser Jr asked.

Mario rolled his eyes, placing his signature cap onto his head. Bowser Jr gasped loudly, swinging his fists around angrily. 

"What's that bad Mario man doing here? I want to destroy him." he cried.

Bowser ignored his son's antics. Wow it was a good thing he had half a bottle of Xanax left.

"You're mama..." he said.

Bowser Jr forgot about Mario. His anger was replaced with excitement.

"Is Waluigi." Bowser finished.

Rainbow lights shone around the room while Bowser began to furiously dab. Mario sunk deep into the Underwhere, wanting none of this shit.

No one does.

No one.


End file.
